RIP (3/3/91-4/28/13)
Dear Binland,
Just when I thought I couldn’t experience any more pain
I woke up one day and saw all the rain
In that moment I realized I had a bad intuition
It was the ESP that sisters have when in a bad situation
I gave you a call, and then saw your Facebook, and began my hyperventilation
I was devastated, hurt, angry, and confused in a mix of frustration
I burst into tears – and then stopped, because I thought it might be a mistake
And then Lily and Susan told me, and my heart took a terrible break
Into a million pieces, it shattered inside of me abruptly
I was wounded at the thought of losing a friend who thought so much of me
Every piece of my heart sank to the pit of my stomach
I endlessly searched but could not find the meaning behind all of it
And in that moment I knew I had to give a speech
So you can hear what I have to say from up above where I cannot reach
Oh the irony of having to give a speech when completely speechless
But facing what I have feared has made me fearless
You are the chocolate to my chip, the sweet to my tart
So here I present to you, a poem from the bottom of my heart.
Upon hearing the news of what happened to you,
I couldn’t breathe, my body went numb, my face turned blue
I hysterically cried looking for answers to questions like, “How could this happen?”
To a sincere friend, a woman that was kind-hearted and compassionate
A great listener, a one-of-a-kind advice giver
A fellow soul sister, a sweet summer visitor
One of my biggest supporters, one of my favorite peers,
A young lady so wise beyond her years
I truly cannot do a thing but shed so many tears
To lose someone as special as you has been my biggest fear
And I wish so much that you could still be with us here.
An emerging scientist with a ship ready to steer
Into the oceans where the deep, blue waters are ever so clear
Always full of laughter and miles of cheer,
A woman so thoughtful, so generous, and so dear
No matter where you are, I know you’ll always be near.
I’m so grateful to have had a friend share the same passions as me
From writing and music to photography and biology
Your free-spirited ways have always been such an inspiration
For all that you’ve done, I owe you a lifetime of dedication.
Your passions for the world and all the life it has to offer
Like the oceans and seas and all the creatures down under
Have intrigued many to become world changers and life savers
An only daughter, a tree-hugger, an animal lover, you are one of my life saviors.
A woman so intelligent with so many beautiful features
A rare diamond can’t compare, a priceless gem can’t either
A charismatic leader, you made the best teacher
A happy seeker, always excited and eager.
I love your smile that reached all the way to the moon
The smile that made me smile, like a happy cartoon
A fellow Brooklynite, you loved this city
I’m so glad to have had you here go through so much with me
From morning to night, we’d be on the telephone
Talking all day, not minding staying home
From boys to babies, to our careers and hobbies
I’ll always remember our memories fondly
No amount of words could ever describe how much you mean to me
I will continue to pray that your soul rests peacefully.
And at this moment, I now know why this quote stings my ears,
Because like I said, losing you has been such a big fear
“Life goes on”
3 simple words, as painful as hearing a broken-love song
Especially when you and I had such an extraordinary bond.
I still get shivers and goosebumps on every centimeter of my body
To see your picture on the news, it’s like someone has shot me
The past few days have been so surreal, I’ve been in complete shock
My yearn for your return is never going to stop
To fathom the thought that our summer days together are over,
I cannot even one bit, my little hairs go on strike and stand up all over
And I cry again and again, I just cannot hold my composure
I just pray that you had a peaceful crossover
In a crowd full of people, I still feel so lonely
But I know you’re somewhere out there watching over me
Even though I miss being with you at the beach and by the sea
I know wherever you are, you must really be needed badly
Forever in my heart, I will hold you close
A piece of you will be with me everywhere I go
And even though all I want to do is lay in bed and cry
And continue to beg the question, “Why? Just why?”,
I know that’s not at all what you would want from me
So I promise to continue to make you proud, the proudest one could be.
I love you Binland
Forever in my heart…
Alaina
Binland Lee Self Portrait
© Alaina Blay 2013
Photo Info:
Coney Island, Brooklyn, NY, 2013
